Letters

Jimmy Williams

New York City

May 2005

Brasilians want to be happy. Happiness -- and the pursuit of happiness are driving forces in Brasilian culture. Adopting the Brasilian child means bracing for this desire -- preparing for a child that is going to demand happiness. It's not for every adoptive parent.

One thing that strikes a foreigner in Brasil is that on the street or on the beach, it is rare to see a Brasilian child crying. One reason is because they are spoiled -- some say worshiped. As long as the child is within a family, they are put on a pedestal. Sadly, when they fall out of the family net, there is no safety net -- it is a free fall.

One of my fondest memories of Brasil is walking into a small shop run by a very large and burley guy -- the type that says "you break it, it's yours". A woman with a toddler walked into the shop. The giant melted -- "give me the baby while you shop". For the whole time, this big giant cuddled the child like father. It wasn't his but the culture adores children.

Brasilian laws governing children are progressive. Within the financial restraints of the legal system, Brasil is similar to the US system. The network of protections and legal checks on terminating parental rights are advanced.

For this reason they require that adoptive parents spend 30 days in the country during the adoptive process. They want to know that it's going to work - the social worker that visits during this time wants to know that it's going to work. The adoptive parent should want to know that it's going to work.

By Brasilian law, an adopted child raised in the U.S. is still Brasilian. They will always be Brasilian because of their birth. The adoptive parents will be raising a Brasilian whether they like it or not! Since your new family is going to be Brasilian - it's important to get to know the country and the culture. I wonder if 30 days is enough!

People adopt for very different reasons. I like to think that most people adopt because of an abundance of paternal or maternal love and energy -- and they want to put this energy where it belongs -- on a child.

A person pondering adoption and thinking "I want an infant - I want the full experience -- I want . . . " is adopting for their wants. They're adopting for what they want.

A parent pondering adoption is simply looking for children who need the abundance of their love and energy. It's about the child. They wait until a story, a photograph, a set of eyes looks through a photograph and says to their heart "I'm the one -- wake up -- you've been looking for me". That event is not dependent on age -- the child might be 6 months or 6 years. The child might be in a photograph with his or her 3 other siblings -- desperate to not be separated. The parent sees it all. The parental energy flows into the picture like a river.

Good agencies realize that people with that energy are looking for kids. You just need to put them together. The age of the child isn't that important -- even though a new parent might think it is.