Letters

Tim Flanagan

Westerly, Rhode Island

May 2005

To many people, the idea of spending six weeks in Brazil to adopt a child seems like a costly and unnecessary requirement in a process already full of so many hurdles. I knew from the start, however, that this would be an essential part of the adoption of my two sons. What I didn’t know, however, was how great of an impact our stay in Brazil would have on my sons and I as we began to build a family together.

There were many immediate benefits of our stay in Brazil. It gave us a chance to transition into family life on neutral ground. Though we were just a few blocks from the orphanage, my sons were already experiencing culture shock staying in a hotel, having a swimming pool, riding elevators, and having a dad. At least, for their sake, we were still in a place where everyone spoke their language and the food and smells were familiar. My sons needed this time to adjust to a new culture, and I needed the time to learn as much as possible about their culture. I was able to hear their stories of life in Brazil, stories that were spontaneously told as we wandered down streets, ate certain foods, saw people they recognized. These are stories that would have been lost had we gone directly from the orphanage to the U.S. In addition, I used the time to prepare my sons for the even greater shock that lie ahead – moving to a foreign country where nothing would seem familiar. By the time we left for the U.S., we were already a family and were looking forward to being in our new home.

Four and a half years later, I feel we are still reaping the benefits of our stay in Brazil. We have shared memories of our time there – memories of riding the waves at the beach, the look on Dad’s face when he tried a new Brazilian food, shopping at the market, eating cotton candy from our favorite street vendor, the caring hotel staff who helped us in so many ways, and many more. One of the most lasting effects of our stay there is the lifelong friendship we developed with two families: our Limiar social worker and her husband, and another adoptive family. My sons’ first aunts, uncles and cousins in their new life came from these families. We continue to stay in touch with them and visit whenever possible.

Six weeks in an unfamiliar place trying to establish an instant family was not easy. It was hard work, but well worth it. When people wonder how I could have made such personal and financial sacrifices, I cannot imagine not having done this. Wouldn’t you want the best for your family?